delicious ambiguity

After the last couple of weeks of wintriness, I've been feeling a bit far removed and isolated from folks... which honestly feels a bit vulnerable as I set out to begin treatment this Friday, the 6th. I am SO ready.... and while this morning my muscles are very achey and I still have days on which I can hardly stay awake and I get overwhelmed and stressed way too easily, I feel stronger and more energized than I did a month ago. The snow days have afforded me lots of time to rest, I've cleaned up my diet quite a bit, and the new supplements and hormones my practitioner started me on seem to be helping as well. Yet I am also feeling tender and intimidated by the unknowns, reliving the same ones I confronted a month ago when I then thought I was about to start treatment.... how will the antibiotics affect me? will I have severe herx/detox reactions? will I be able to lead the circle I have planned for the 21st? will I be able to go to the beach with my family at the end of the month as planned? what if this happens? what if that happens? Gilda Radner calls it "delicious ambiguity".... “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.” My mission this week is to try and lean into the deliciousness of it.... easier said than done... but I shall put forth a valiant effort! :) Perspective is everything. My neighbor just died of cancer yesterday morning, and his wife and son woke up this morning for the first time without him. Things could be soooo much worse. I am TRULY blessed.