knocking on wood

This week has been all about knocking on wood. That comes with feeling good. Especially given the high doses of meds I am taking at the moment...  septra, ceftin, mepron, artemisinin, enula, and flagyl. I expected this week to be harder than last week...  but instead, I haven't had to take anti-nausea meds at all, I've been walking almost daily without trouble, and the other night, I even made a REAL dinner...  homemade chicken fingers and green beans. I think my kids have grown way too accustomed to frozen pizza and macaroni and cheese, as they were far less enthused by dinner than I was. Oh well. Until today, my only complaint has been that the thick bright yellow sludge they call Mepron haunts me...  its horrid taste seems to serve as a subtle backdrop to every other flavor all. the. time. Ginger chews mask it for a few moments until it seeps back onto my taste buds. And when I sweat or go to the bathroom, I smell it...  a chemical-y, plastic-y essence that hangs on everything. Blech.

Today, I'm feeling a bit more tender. Could be that I'm pms-y, or it could be that I didn't sleep well last night, or it could be that I've been overdoing a bit, or it could be just all those foreign things in my body having a cumulative effect. I also suspect that part of it is that my hands have been quite happily full since the kiddos came home from camp, and I haven't had a lot of creative down time. My knees hurt, I'm extra tired and sensitive, my brain is foggy, and I feel a little queasy this morning...  I have a feeling it will be a slow and gentle day. Part of me wonders if I should be pounding the wood instead of simply knocking on it!

Get this....  I found out over last week that my mother has Lyme, according to her acupuncturist, who discovered it via bio energetic testing (I really don't anything about this kind of testing, but Deena's boss's wife swears by it).  Honestly, I've had such a strange mix of emotions since hearing this.  I truly wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy...  so it's a bit heartbreaking that my own mother has to deal with it.  Not only that, but while she has begun treatment, it's a very different path than I am taking, using a natural, homeopathic approach.  And once again, I am finding myself needing to remember what I used to tell the Wild Women...  that it doesn't benefit anyone to compare our experiences with those of others... that we must fully inhabit our own choices without regret or apology, and trust that we're doing what's best for ourselves...  and here's the key...  we must allow others to do the same, without any assumptions that our way is any better or worse.

Here's the thing. I've never been the type to fall for prescription medicines. I've always been the hippie dippie,  all-natural chick. And the truth is, that hasn't changed all that much, which sounds funny coming from someone who is taking so many antibiotics at the moment. It's a strange and complicated paradox. It is in this way that my doctor is like a soul sister to me. She's an integrative physician's assistant who always took the natural, herbal route, and then happened to stumble upon her own ten-year battle with Lyme and was treated and brought into remission with a combination of antibiotics and herbs. So of course, that's her way of treating.  That's what she's familiar with and knowledgeable about, and she readily admits her bias while not discounting other ways. When I discovered her, it just felt right. It felt like I was in the best hands possible, and I wouldn't trade her ongoing support and guidance for anything right now.

The whole chronic lyme debate permeates the medical industry, making diagnosis and treatment next to impossible for many, and we are very lucky when we find someone who is able and willing to help us, even though our LLMDs and acupuncturists and naturopaths are often thought of as quacks by mainstream doctors.  Not only that, but even within the Lyme community itself, there are SO MANY different treatment protocols, and folks can be rather opinionated about them.  What it comes down to though is that we're all desperate for a cure, and the truth is, no cure has been discovered as of yet... even the top Lyme specialists are baffled by various aspects of the disease, and many are not supported or encouraged in their desire to learn more.

And of course, we all have different bodies that respond to different things.  Much like the ongoing argument about whether it's best to eat vegetarian or paleo, there is no one-size-fits-all way to go about this. One person's remedy is another person's poison...  perhaps that's a stretch, but the point is, we have to honor our differences.  We're all just trudging along doing the best we can, half-blind.  We need to accept that, not only for ourselves, but for others, and begin to build bridges within our stories.

I've realized that all in all, this is all forcing me to be deeply present and steadfast within my truth-- to honor my way, not as right or wrong, but merely as my path for now. And while I may knock (or pound) on wood from time to time, I will keep on trusting that my choices will lead this body to healing.