patience

"Rivers know this:  there is no hurry. We shall get there some day." 

~A.A. Milne

Well, there's been slight change of plans this week. Because my belly had such a hard time last week, Anne thought it best to take this week off of antibiotics and allow myself to recover.  This was difficult for me to take at first. This start-stop-start-stop process is making me crazy! While I know she's right and trust her judgement completely, I get to feeling so very impatient...  especially when I've been feeling things happening in my body so much more strongly. The impulse is to keep going and get rid of the little boogers.

I now know what herxing is like, that's for sure. Toward the latter part of the week, I felt it... but it really settled in over the weekend, took over my muscles, my bones, my energy, my emotions. Yesterday I was a veritable roller coaster.... up one minute, down the next. Long periods of nausea that reminded me of morning sickness....  a very stiff and crackly neck...  zapped energy....  intense muscle cramps and soreness. My family and I tried for a slow walk around the lake, and I found myself stopping and resting at each bench, frustrated and feeling defeated. But then again, if I hadn't stopped, I probably would have missed the proud Mama and Papa geese and their seven fuzzy babies...  and I no doubt would have missed the baby chickadee exploring the branches of a giant maple tree above where we sat at one point.

I have some herb tinctures that help with the herxing tremendously, especially with headaches and flu-y kinds of symptoms. Thank goodness for them. I took them several times yesterday.

Today was much better. I even managed a mile and half walk around the lake (3 times around!). This afternoon, however, my energy crashed and my muscles have had some more pretty intense cramping. Anne wants me to go ahead and get another magnesium IV-- hopefully that will help.

I did manage to finish the painting above today. I had started it months ago...  so it feels like an accomplishment to have completed it after all this time. Again, I am learning patience... to move more slowly and trust that eventually I will do what my heart sets out to do.  My hands are completely done in though, and typing is rather difficult at the moment. So that's it for today.

Onward.