awareness

I hereby declare that today begins a new chapter.... 

Today ends my first week of treatment. 

I didn't die. I didn't fall apart 

(well, maybe a little, but I was able to put myself back together again). 

Yes, it was hard. 

But I pushed through. 

  

This week, I've realized just how much I need to allow myself to embrace this experience, 

become pro-active and curious and bold within it, 

knowing that every day will be different 

and that I can find meaning and something to be grateful for...

 even when the journey is difficult and challenging and disheartening.  

I resist it though. 

I don't want it to take over everything.

I don't want to give it power. 

I don't want it to define me.

But as I was telling my son just yesterday,

we all get to decide what defines us. 

And illness, limitation, struggle, and pain clearly don't define who I am.

Yes, those things are part of the story, but they are just snapshots. 

Moments. 

The things that are constant

the things you can capture in every snapshot if you look hard enough,

the things that I would see if I were an eagle or an owl

soaring high above the horizon of life, 

the things that define me...

are

wildness,

creative mischief,

love,

forgiveness,

perseverance,

vision,

possibility,

radical trust,

commitment,

compassion... 

 I've realized that I must give a voice to

the fighter, 

the healer, 

the healed,

the activist,

 and yes, even sometimes the humbled victim 

in me...  

Not just by default,

but with intention, purpose, mindfulness, presence.

A few months ago, I had started a journal on a MealTrain site... 

I'm not sure how many folks read it,

but it helped me tremendously to write it. 

But it also felt, admittedly, a bit lonely and depressing.

I couldn't add pictures,

or make it a colorful, healing space for myself. 

I couldn't receive responses or share in any dialogue.

It was instead founded in my own need...  

for help with food and support.

And while there still may be a need down the road for those things, 

this space is not about that. 

This space is about the journey. 

Period. 

What I most want for myself and my own healing

is to feel like I can ramble on, 

eventually finding the meat in my own words,

while keeping those of you who are wondering or curious 

informed to the extent you wish to be informed.

May is Lyme Awareness Month...  

and I can't think of a better way to share awareness

than to share my story.

And so that is what I shall do,

bit by bit,

little by little,

until eventually I find myself hiking the Mountains to Sea Trail,

feeling so very strong and wild,

having reclaimed my body and having annihilated lyme. 

In the archives are some of the notes and journal entries that led me here. 

They are part of of the story as well. 

Feel free to peruse as you like.