I am continuing this process of shedding and releasing.... and thankfully, I now have a couple of easier weeks of treatment to keep me headed in that direction. The only thing I'm currently taking is Coartem, yet another anti-Malarial drug for targeting Babesia... I only have to take it for three days, and then I have a WHOLE ELEVEN DAYS off! I've been having some somewhat debilitating pain in the form of muscle cramping and joint inflammation with this new med, but frankly it beats the last few weeks of nausea and intense lethargy. It's funny how perspective changes like that.
With hopes that I'll be feeling pretty good during these upcoming eleven days off, we're planning on taking a weekend away in Knoxville to get our gorilla fix. I have such mixed emotions about visitng and supporting zoos, but I do know that it's imperative for me to have opportunities to connect with creatures great and small-- it's one of those parts of me that has re-emerged in these last few weeks in BIG ways.
Before the world told me who I should be, I wanted to be a zoologist. And I still have dreams about working with animals in some way. When I lived up in Boston during graduate school, I would spend hours at a time planted in front of the gorillas and chimpanzees at the Franklin Park Zoo. I would unpack my bag for them, and they would sit, their chins propped up on their elbows, eagerly watching whatever would emerge next... a set of keys, a journal, a pencil, a hair-brush. By the time I left, there would always be a crowd of people watching, but I wasn't in it for fame... I was in it purely for the pure, unassuming and mysterious connection with another living being. It made my heart happy, and simply smitten with the idea of inter-species communication.
Ever since then, my visits to any zoo have resulted in similar connections, and have ended with my kids getting impatient and eventually having to tear me away from the gorillas against my will, when I would have been content to stay with them forever. I can't contribute these magical visits to being a gorilla whisperer or being gifted in animal communication... I'm lucky if I can get my dog to sit! I think what's it's truly about is being present... deeply present... both with these amazing creatures as well as myself.
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| a visit to the Louisville Zoo in 2009 |
In the meantime, I'm settling for some more domesticated animal bliss.... Friday, I'm headed out to the boonies to visit with an Equine Assisted Therapist. I'm so very excited about this, as I can't imagine there's any better way to get my head back on straight! It's also given me the opportunity to become comfortable again asking for help, as I'm not sure I'll always be able to drive myself out there. Thankfully, a couple of friends have stepped up and offered to take me when I'm not up to it. I am so very grateful.
Speaking of asking for help, I've been really loving being on the other end of that equation this last week or so, and being able to put my energy into helping others rather than into my own stuff. In just a few minutes, I'll be headed up to my neighbor's house to give Tinkerbelle the cat some medicine after she gave us all quite a scare a few days ago with what is now presumed to be just a little ole bee sting. With my neighbor being out of town, we spent most of Sunday at the local emergency vet with Tink, and now, that kitty and I couldn't be any more inseparable! What a gift after finding the other neighbor's dog last week... and what a beautiful reminder that helping is actually a priviledge, not a burden.
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